just a thought..

well.. here goes nothing..

it has been like years to me already.. i guess that’s how it feels when you’re trying to forget bad memories in the past. . that is one good mechanism for one to heal..

honestly, i feel better now.. it was a good thing that i took time off from work.. i went home to tarlac.. i hang out with my highschool friends.. met old schoolmates.. it was great! i almost totally forgot about what happened here.. until this day came that i have to meet him to give back his things.. we were not able to spend much time together for some reasons but that’s okay because i had my friend to keep me company.. what made me cry that day was when i opened the gift that he gave me.. we were in jollibee, i slowly opened the starbucks paper bag and inside was one of shirts that he usually wear at home.. with the scent of his perfume that i love most.. i cried not because i’m sad that he was leaving but because i never expected that he will give me something and the best part, it’s something that he uses everyday but he decided to give it to me.. i know it’s mushy but i guess i am just a sentimental person.. haha!

anyways.. that fateful day was the last time that i cried.. we went home.. hang out with friends again.. i’m not really expecting that i will be receiving an email from him.. happily, i replied back.. maybe i got at least three emails from him.. and then another “made-up” story happened. i don’t want to reiterate what happened but for all i know, i now him that much and that he would not do such thing.. but right there and there i ended whatever connection we have as requested by “him” or probably “her”.. i thought that was the end of it.. but i was wrong again.. a blog was posted about me.. how desperate i am to have him.. i was running after him.. ugh! i don’t even know where that came from..

let’s just say.. insecurity is a disease and there is no medicine for it.. if you're ugly, no matter how you try to smile, you are still ugly.. if you're just an ordinary individual that cant even make heads turn, no matter how you try to dress up just to be “maporma”, you’re still ordinary.. and even if you won over me, that does not change anything.. yes you have him but you are still so desperate to keep me away from him.. why? because you are threatened by my existence.. by just thinking that i am pretty and you’re not, that i am sexy and you’re not, that i am intelligent and you’re just average, you will really go crazy.. you keep on pushing the issue that i am ugly.. suit yourself miss! if that will make you at peace .. enjoy! but i am assuring you, when you see me someday.. i will prove you wrong..

for your blog, you’re just making a fool out of yourself.. you're a graduate, you're a professional, you were raised well by your parents as you said, why don’t you act like one? do you think he will be proud of you with all those things that you’re doing? think.. before it’s too late for you.. i want to meet you.. but i don’t want to see you in an asylum.. you take care! =)